batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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