so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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