he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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