who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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