how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
