is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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