Who wears a wallet chain?!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
