I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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