so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
