did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
