So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
