Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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