I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
