You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
