12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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