Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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