that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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