she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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