Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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