Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
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