Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
