Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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