More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
