maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
