weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
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