are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
