There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
