I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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