At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
