Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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