I faked an abortion last night.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
