used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
