You made me cry and you don't even care
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
