she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she looked like the before picture.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My legs feel like baby dolphins
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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