I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
