Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
