i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
