so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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