If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
