wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
