you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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