Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
