So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
