Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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