it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
