please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
