He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
