Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
