Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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