Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
