All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
